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Pen
On the day in question, Mr. Tronald Dump had just fired the entire staff of the Dump Building Headquarters without warning. Security ushered the now former staff members towards the exits.

Dump himself had confiscated a box one of the middle aged middle managers was trying to take along. The box was now on his enormous desk.

“Office supplies,” Dump muttered, pulling out a legal pad from the cardboard cube. “What else?”

Dump dumped the contents out. A mug that said World’s Best Daddy on one side with a picture of a smiling girl about age six on the other. Some crayon drawings and more photos of the little girl, all of which went right in the trash. And a brass lamp. It resembled the sort of ancient lamp that people in ancient times used to provide light.


He picked it up and examined it. Replica or genuine, Dump wondered. He noticed it still had the price tag from the Ninth Avenue Flea Market on it. Dump used the back side of his pink neck tie to rub it off. As he did, the smoke detectors in his office started wailing, a whiff of steam billowed from the lamp, filling the room, Mr. Dump threw the lamp down and instantly the air was clear, and a man in an Arabic style costume was standing before him.

“Mr. Dump! Mr. Dump! This is security. Are you all right?”

The mysterious man nodded silently. Mr. Dump pressed his intercom.

“I’m fine; false alarm.” Dump turned back to the only other man on the 80th floor. “Who are you?”

“I am The Genie of the lamp. You have released me and so you are the recipient of three wishes!”

“Hold it. You are saying that I have three wishes, of any sort?”

“Whatever you desire will be yours. You need only ask for it.”

“I need to take a meeting.”

The Genie sat in the waiting room of one Dick Fishmonger, the lawyer for Tronald Dump. A receptionist approached.

“Can I get you anything?” She offered.

“I have no need of anything.” The Genie stated, “for I am…” and he started to chuckle.

“Sir?”

“Why am I sitting in a waiting room, waiting for whatever I am being asked to wait for?” With a wave of his hand, he was in the Fishmonger office.

“Oh good, you’re here. We were just about to get you. I’m sorry this took all afternoon, said the lawyer,” extending his hand. “We had to make certain the language was right.”

A tap on the door and the receptionist stepped in “I’m leaving for the day, Mr. Fishmonger. Oh, there he is. That fellow disappeared on me several hours ago!” She good naturedly wagged a finger at The Genie who shrugged sheepishly.

“Joyce, before you go, get your notary stamp, please.” Fishmonger turned back to the genie as Joyce exited. “So my client, Mr. Dump, is entering into a contract with you. And, as such, we have this small document for you to sign in front of Joyce when she gets back.” The Genie could see what looked like two reams of paper sitting on Mr. Fishmonger’s desk.

“I don’t understand why I must sign something. I am giving Mr. Dump three wishes as gratitude for my rescue.”

“It’s just protection,” Mr. Fishmonger continued. “We don’t want any… tricky stuff. You know.”

Joyce returned with her Notary Public stamp. Fishmonger handed pens to both Dump and The Genie. The Genie was about to lean down to sign, but then looked up at the two other men.

“Since we are dealing with agreements, I also have a single one. “ The Genie paused. “You must agree to not break the trust of this gift that I give to you, freely, Mr. Dump. As long as you agree to this, I will abide this document.”

“Understood.” Mr. Dump replied. “He’s a great, great genie.” Joyce watched the gentlemen sign and initial the documents, placed her Notary stamp at the bottom of each, then quietly exited.

“This one is your copy,” said Fishmonger, handing it to The Genie. The Genie then shrunk it down to miniature and slipped it into the folds of his turban.

“Amazing,” Tronald Dump said. “He is the best.”

Then, The Genie smiled. “Are you ready for your first wish?”

“This is a formality.” Fishmonger bristled. “It’s laid out in the contract. The three wishes are intricately listed and labeled. Read it for yourself!”

“I apologize, but in order for the wish to take effect, it must be stated by the recipient, verbally.”

“Illiterate idiot,” Fishmonger whispered into Dump’s ear. “Very well!” Fishmonger turned back to The Genie. “We’ll do this your way.”

“I appreciate your willingness to do what I ask.” Mr. Dump told The Genie. “And for my first wish, I want this entire city to belong to me, lock, stock and barrel.”

“This town wasn’t a Dump before, but it soon will be,” smiled The Genie. And with a wave of his hand, The Genie transferred the property. “Check your Maps!”

Fishmonger pulled out his phone, while Tronald ran to the window.

“It says you are here… in New Dump City!” exclaimed Fishmonger, holding up his phone GPS.

The Tronald was admiring the mighty word “DUMP,” hanging from each side of the Dumpire State Building. It was a dream come true!

“What would you like for your next wish, Mr. Dump?” the Genie inquired.

“My second wish,” Dump began, now looking at the window for his reflection, “is for all women to find me completely irresistible.” Fishmonger cleared his throat. Dump turned and Fishmonger slid the contract across the desk to him to read. “Where ‘woman’ is defined as a human over the age of eighteen years, and who has an ‘XX’ chromosome. You have to be careful about things like this.”

“Yes,” nodded the Genie. “And any other stipulations?”

As The Genie was about to raise his hand, Fishmonger glanced at the framed photo of his family. “She has to be unmarried!” Fishmonger screamed.

“Oh, right. She’s got to be unmarried.”

“As you wish,” The Genie nodded, “and anything else?”

“Um… Dick?” Dump asked. The Genie cocked his head. “I was talking to my lawyer,” Dump snarled.

“Nobody you’re blood related to,“ Fishmonger stated, flipping through pages ,“Nobody older than fif…”

“Nobody older than thirty-five,” smirked Dump. “Oh, and nobody I don’t find attractive.”

“Is that all Mr. Dump?” The Genie asked.

Dump nodded.

The Genie waved his hand. A distant, low rumbling began. It started to get closer and louder. Dump looked down to the street. What looked like a sea of people was running toward the building.

“Oh. Em. Gee!” The Tronald yelled, “They know I’m here! We have to get to the roof.”

Dump got on the phone to have his helicopter come and land. The three scrambled upstairs, locking the exits.

Dump Chop 1 descended on the rooftop. Just as they were getting in, the doors flung open and women started racing toward the aircraft.

“GO!” Dump yelled. The pilot lifted off.

The flight to the Dump Estate in East Hampton only took twenty minutes. Dump was surprised by their greeter.

“Hi, Daddy,” said Illvirus, Dump’s daughter, as the copter door opened.

“What are you doing here?” Trump smiled.

“I flew with you! I grabbed the landing gear and fit inside for the trip.”

“You mean you were in that mob of women? That must have been horrible.” Dump said, coming over to give her a hug.

“No, Daddy. It was absolutely freeing!” And with a shake of her shoulders, her dress fell to the ground. Everyone gasped and Dump jumped back.

“Get your clothes back on Illvirus!” Dump screamed, averting his eyes.

“But Daddy, I can’t help it!” She squinted and smiled, “I just want to give you a...”

*BANG!* a Mercedes-Benz sedan hit her and came to a screeching halt. The doors flew open and five Long Island women from a local strip club leaped out.

“Mr. Dump! Mr. Dump!” they giggled, taking off their tops. Several other cars were right behind them: a silver Lexus, a black BMW and a bright red Porsche lead the way, but there were other cars behind those. A lot of other cars.

“Get us out of here!” Dump shouted at the pilot. As they scrambled in, the women tripped on their panties as the copter lifted off. Illvirus tried to climb past them but couldn’t reach the landing gear this time.

“This is all your fault, Genie!” Dump screamed, poking an index finger into The Genie's chest. “I thought no blood relatives were going to be attracted to me!”

The Genie thought for a moment. “Hm. You must not have stated that in your wish.”

“Well this is a total mess. So there’s only one thing to do. I’m using my third wish for three more wishes.”

Suddenly the sky darkened and The Genie’s countenance turned angry. “Mr. Dump. I agreed to your terms and you agreed to mine. But you have just broken our contract.”

“What? What did I do?”

“I gave you three wishes, sir.” The Genie continued, “and I am bound to grant you those wishes. I apologize.”

The Genie waved his hand and everything reverted.

Suddenly, they were back in Fishmonger’s office.

“I appreciate your willingness to do what I ask.” Mr. Dump told The Genie. “And for my first wish, I want this entire city to belong to me, lock, stock and barrel.”

“This town wasn’t a Dump before, but it soon will be,” smiled The Genie.

“OH, NO!” thought Dump, as he helplessly ran to the window.

//

*this piece was written for LJ Idol using the prompt: "Yes, and..."

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
halfshellvenus
May. 9th, 2014 07:35 pm (UTC)
I see that not saying that one important phrase himself (instead of via lawyer) meant that Dump offered the Genie the loophole he was looking for. :D
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:27 pm (UTC)
I had hoped to convey that the genie was acting without malice... he was really just doing his job, based on the info he got! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
halfshellvenus
May. 12th, 2014 04:58 pm (UTC)
It may be my personal filter-- in most versions of this kind of story I've seen, the Genie takes part of the wish painfully literally... and the wish is often also twisted into something the wisher did not actually desire.

Because being trapped in that bottle, granting wishes, is kind of a rotten life. Who wouldn't want a little revenge? ;)
rayaso
May. 9th, 2014 11:19 pm (UTC)
Very enjoyable! I liked that wishing for more wishes only created an endless loop. I also liked "New Dump City" and the "Dumpire State Building," and especially the lawyer.
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks very much!
uncawes
May. 10th, 2014 11:21 am (UTC)
This is brilliant.
I second halfshellvenus' comment about Dump not repeating what the lawyer said.
And yay for Groundhog day to selfish greedy men
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, Dump was a bit to eager to place the age restriction and sort of forgot that other element! Thanks for a lovely compliment!
eternal_ot
May. 10th, 2014 11:22 am (UTC)
Ha! Clever...Enjoyed it..good story there...serves Mr Dump right! Well written as always..:)
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I appreciate your comments, always.
faerie_spark
May. 10th, 2014 07:41 pm (UTC)
Tronald Dump? Love it! What a marvelously fanciful, ironic story!
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:29 pm (UTC)
And thank you for reading and commenting!
kandigurl
May. 10th, 2014 08:49 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I liked this. There's a loophole in every wish!
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:30 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoyed, and thanks for commenting!
kagomeshuko
May. 11th, 2014 03:58 am (UTC)
Oh, no, it's Groundhog Day with a genie!!!
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:31 pm (UTC)
Haha! Well, except he doesn't get to change his choices... too bad! And thanks for reading!
similiesslip
May. 11th, 2014 04:06 am (UTC)
This was great, especially the ending and the name Dump :)
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks a lot. I knew where the story was going to go right at the start, and I really could have turned it into a full length script, there were so many options! Thanks for the compliment!
kajel
May. 11th, 2014 12:18 pm (UTC)
lol Very amusing. Nicely done.
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading and for your compliment!
onda_bianca
May. 12th, 2014 01:04 am (UTC)
Ha...fun:)
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked!
i_17bingo
May. 12th, 2014 11:52 am (UTC)
Anything that treats Donald Trump horribly is something I will love.

Seriously, I hate that guy.
penpusher
May. 12th, 2014 12:35 pm (UTC)
I guess I've referenced him a couple of times already this Idol season. But yeah, he is a character that makes it easy! Thanks for reading.
whipchick
May. 12th, 2014 06:40 pm (UTC)
He totally is - there are some Trump developments here in Dubai and the billboards are so cheesy!

Fun story :)
penpusher
May. 13th, 2014 02:48 pm (UTC)
Thanks as always - and nice effort with your story story cohorts!
adoptedwriter
May. 12th, 2014 12:42 pm (UTC)
I love the names! Hilarious! AW
penpusher
May. 13th, 2014 02:48 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed!!
shimmerdream
May. 12th, 2014 12:47 pm (UTC)
I wish I'd written this myself - I love it.
penpusher
May. 13th, 2014 02:49 pm (UTC)
That's a wonderful compliment! Thank you!
eska818
May. 12th, 2014 10:21 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I love your humor.
penpusher
May. 13th, 2014 02:49 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks very much!
karmasoup
May. 13th, 2014 03:52 am (UTC)
Talk about the worst case of Groundhog Day! Serves the Dump right.
penpusher
May. 13th, 2014 02:51 pm (UTC)
Haha... can't say his ego didn't trip him up a bit. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )

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