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It was the Spring of 2015 and Tronald Dump angrily marched through the Art Deco lobby of 30 Frockareller Plaza. His once popular reality television game “The Annoyance” had hit a low for Nielsen ratings and the network expressed their intention to cancel it.

“I’ll get them.” Dump muttered to himself as he pushed his way through the revolving doors onto the crowds of tourists. He could have taken the limo but the warm spring day felt like a stroll back to Dump Tower would clear his head.

A flea market was set up on a side street near the Dalworf hotel and The Tronald, uncharacteristically, was drawn to it. Or maybe it was the attractive raven haired woman, wearing a harem style costume, who was operating a stand in front of a tie-dye tent that drew him over. Their eyes locked and Dump was compelled to approach.

“This is a great, great tent.” Dump nodded, looking around. “May I come inside?”

The woman gave him a look of suspicion. “I don’t think you know who I am.”

“I don’t think you know who *I* am!” he responded.

She backed away; he pursued. Inside the tent he backed her against a table. Then, without a word, still staring into her eyes, reached his fingers between the folds of her pants and started to rub back and forth.

“No. NO!” She cried.

“Don’t worry. I have a very light touch.”

“Ahhhh!” she screamed.

“Hey. There’s something hard down here.”

“STOP!”

Mr. Dump stepped backward and when the woman moved, he could see what he was actually rubbing: the nose of a brass lamp. It resembled the sort of ancient lamp that people in ancient times used to provide light.

Sir, you have rubbed my lamp. I am a genie and I now am duty bound to grant you three wishes.

“Really? That’s terrific,” said The Tronald. “I could use some help getting revenge on some TV people who did something very bad and very stupid.”

“What can I do for this?” she asked dutifully.

“I’d like to..." Dump grimaced, which was his version of a smile. "I'd like to run for President of the United States.” Dump mused aloud. “It would make me world famous which would mean I would be able to make better deals with higher profile people, I would be on a first name basis with a lot of world leaders and that would tremendously help everything I’m working to achieve: making my bank account the biggest and the best in the world.”

In a flash he was in the lobby of Dump Tower, making the announcement that would change his life.

“Today I officially declared my candidacy for President of the United States.”

In the weeks and months that followed, his television persona, his stance and his constant repetition of the few things he did know kept his campaign afloat.

By the following summer, he became the Republican nominee, and all was well.

One evening, after the Republican Convention had concluded, Dump took a dinner with the woman.

“Everything went better than I expected,” cheered Dump, toasting her with a glass of grape juice, since he didn’t drink alcohol. “Now let’s talk about the next wish: getting me out of this campaign, favorably!”

“Mr. Dump, there’s something you should know.” The genie paused and breathed a sigh. “When you make a wish, you are not permitted to wish for something later that will interfere with that wish. It’s called ‘the non-contradictory clause.’”

“There’s nothing non-contradictory here!” scoffed Dump into his Sirloin.

“Your wish was to run for President!” the genie insisted. “Anything that interferes with that element will prevent the wish from coming true! I can't change that.”

Dump frowned, thought about it for a moment then stood up, wiping his mouth on the linen napkin and tossing it at her. “You’ve been no help to me whatsoever.”

“You can always quit the campaign of your own free will!” the genie tried.

“And lose all of the credibility I’ve gained from running?" he called as he walked away. "That’s no help, whatsoever!”

As the campaign progressed, Dump tried to do anything and everything to get people to detest him. He shouted racial slurs about people of other countries. He demonstrated a severe lack of knowledge about the most rudimentary foreign policy decisions. He even secretly leaked his own tape to the press showing him engaging in a conversation about abuses of women he had previously committed with a gossip show host. It got his buddy fired from his tabloid TV job, but had no apparent effect on his popularity.

On Election night, Tronald Dump watched as state after state voted for him to win the nomination, but stayed philosophical. Maybe this will be even better than I thought!

That changed immediately when he learned that he must reveal his tax forms to the American public. He ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach. But then, he learned he also had to divest himself of his company. He ran back to the bathroom to empty the contents of his bowels.

“No to the taxes! No to the company!” Dump screamed at the RNC honchos that visited his penthouse the Monday after the election.

“Sir, we're sorry. There’s nothing anyone can do.”

Then, a lightbulb.

Dump raced back to the tie-dye tent. “I can’t give up my company. That was the whole point of me running for this stupid office in the first place! And I DEFINITELY can't reveal my tax records!”

The genie nodded. “I’ve got you covered.”

Suddenly, magically, the tax problem and the conflict of interest issues about his business were rendered moot.

President Dump now had a path that was free and clear to do as he pleased. And he started signing executive orders, repealing people’s healthcare insurance, making an oil company CEO Secretary of State and having a grand old time with the Grand Old Party.

But all was not perfect. Hundreds of people began to protest Dump’s actions. Maybe it was thousands of protesters. He didn't count. But no matter the number, being popular was crucial to being successful! It was time to use that final wish to make himself the most beloved Commander in Chief in history!

Tronald Dump, heart light as a feather, raced on heels that flew back to the flea market, but the tent was gone.

Another merchant was slowly taking down his booth. Dump grabbed him by the shoulders.

“Please! What happened to the lady with the tie-dye tent?” Dump begged.

The gent paused, looked Tronald Dump right in the eye and said “She went home to visit her family, but then wasn’t permitted to return to the United States because of a travel ban. When she was forced to go back, she was killed in a terrorist incident.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

//

This story was written for LJ Idol using the prompt: Where I'm from

Also Note: this is Tronald Dump's second LJ Idol appearance. His first occurred during Season 9:

Week [8] - Be Careful What You Wish For

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
i_17bingo
Feb. 1st, 2017 11:15 am (UTC)
Well this explains everything.
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 09:59 am (UTC)
If only! Thanks for a great compliment!
rayaso
Feb. 2nd, 2017 09:34 pm (UTC)
So very funny. Now we know what really happened. I loved the ending.
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:00 am (UTC)
Thanks so much... in the facebook version that I posted there after the competition concluded, I tweaked the ending so that the genie was simply reaching for her Green Card and got shot by an Air Marshall, which I think I would have done if I wasn't scrambling to finish the story by the deadline!
adoptedwriter
Feb. 2nd, 2017 09:35 pm (UTC)
Ha!!! What a hoot! Loved it!
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:01 am (UTC)
That's what I was going for. Thanks for your comment here!
eternal_ot
Feb. 4th, 2017 07:03 am (UTC)
Haha! This was FUNtastic. Clever take on the prompt and the situation. Excellent work. Kudos!
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:01 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for enjoying and for your comment!
halfshellvenus
Feb. 4th, 2017 08:05 am (UTC)
This is some extensive satire here, sir, and the wishes and the outcome actually make more sense here than in what currently passes for reality!
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:05 am (UTC)
That's high praise! Thanks very much. Since I mentioned it to rayaso I should share that in the "tweaked" ending that I published to my facebook, I had the genie at the airport reaching for her Green Card and getting shot by an Air Marshall. It made it fit together just a bit better for me!
dmousey
Feb. 5th, 2017 01:25 am (UTC)
I soo want this to be true. Hugs and peace~~~
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:05 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading and for a wonderful compliment!
alycewilson
Feb. 5th, 2017 06:55 pm (UTC)
Damn. That explains it.
penpusher
Feb. 9th, 2017 10:06 am (UTC)
Thanks for your response and for reading along!
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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